“Thinking Away Libido”
Turns out the brain plays a big part in what we’ll call “sexy time”. Reaching orgasm isn’t as simple as just a little bit of rubbing here and a little bit of thrusting there. Psychological factors can be the sole reason for some of the biggest sexual issues men and women face. Inability to orgasm (anorgasmia), erectile dysfunction, and loss of libido are the three major sexual issues that I would wager most of us have faced at least once.
We all know that thinking about something unpleasant can turn us off when we’re inconveniently turned on. Say you have to stand up to give a presentation after Jameson is done with her big presentation to the board. But there is just one problem…. You’ve got a boner. Step one is take your eyes off her rack and stop thinking about bending her over the table and showing her what you think of her market quarter. In this moment there is no greater problem in the world than your unwanted boner. So, perhaps you think to yourself: hot-sweaty-gross-looking-old-boss-man-naked-covered-in-chocolate. As long as you’re not into your boss sexually, your boner will go down, and the crisis will be averted. It’s a well known fact that even in the heat of the moment; at least most of us can think away our libido.
Thinking away libido can unfortunately last longer than just a moment. Negative body image and lack of self-esteem in general can kill our sex drives. How we view our self or our partners can really take all the fun out of it.
Fault is a word to avoid when investigating a loss of sex drive. Because there can be and usually is a number of contributing factors. A diminished or lost libido can be the side effects of drugs and medications, and can be caused by a myriad of medical problems. Proper diet and trying to stay in good health can help prevent these kinds of sexual issues. Proper mental health can help prevent sexual dysfunction as well.
Sometimes when it comes to sex it’s best to think of our bodies as plastic blow-up dolls. Totally removing you as a being, from yourself, as an object, can really help you get into the moment and can allow for some much better sex. This technique is an ‘in the moment’ tactic that can really help. I have personally gone past this, I think of my body as an object. My thoughts, my feelings, the things I know, the opinions I have about all of these things- are me. My body is not me. Because my body can and will change. (Due to weight loss/gain, age, etc.)
I think of my body as a tool. One of my favorite tools is the hammer. Hammers are for nailing, banging and the occasional tapping. Who cares what a hammer looks like if it gets the job done? My ass-ne (ass acne) is merely a little paint on the handle, my stretch marks and fat are a little tape to improve grip. Indeed all of my physical imperfections I can think of as characteristics of a hammer, that simply make a perfectly good, working hammer- unique looking.
There is a vicious cycle that starts with loss of sex drive, and can lead to inability to attain orgasm and or erectile dysfunction. These other more serious problems feed the loss of libido beast, and the cycle of ‘no sexy fun time’ continues. But does this cycle of ‘no sexy fun time’ have to exist at all? You could talk to your doctor or therapist and try and destroy the cycle. Or you could simply choose to have ‘sexy fun time’ despite the cycle.
Anorgasmia, inability to orgasm- is a problem that affects both sexes and all sexualities. For some, sex can be painful (in a bad way) due to medical issues. These people should definitely talk to their doctors; the solution might be as simple as use lube or take a pill. For some people exercise can eliminate anorgasmia. For others talking with a therapist can restore their ability to have orgasm. It is also not impossible that a person who is capable of sex is incapable of orgasm. I say if sex feels good at all, keep doing it until you get that evasive orgasm! Or simply do it because it feels good even if you don’t have an orgasm.
Many women report not consistently having an orgasm due to sex. Depending on the source the number can be as high as 75%. Men freak out when the women that they are having sex with don’t have an orgasm. It makes us feel inadequate. This is a reason many women fake it, but did you know that faking it can prevent an actual orgasm? I am very anti-faking it. My wife does not fake it, and I don’t want her to. It is natural as thinking of orgasm as something that one person gives to another. Sorry to say it, but no. When you are having sex, you are facilitating the *possibility* of orgasm for yourself and your partner.
There is no guaranteed method to always have an orgasm, so therefore why worry about having an orgasm all of the time? There are however countless techniques, many of which have been proven to increase the frequency of orgasm. There are medical techniques that you can talk with a doctor about. But there are many which have nothing to do with a doctor. Solitary and mutual masturbation, foreplay, and plain ‘ol variety have been shown to increase the frequency and intensity of orgasm during sex. Being in better health can do this too. Healthy = Good. Try things, look things up! In my opinion just putting in the effort is the best way to start.
Erectile Dysfunction, ED, floppy cock, limp noodle, broke dick; there really is no happy way to say it…….. droopy dong. And let’s face it- guys, we have faced this at least once. Ladies if a guy tells you he has never come early, or not been able to perform, he is a liar. It happens to ALL men at least once. So if it hasn’t happened yet, it will. Sooner or later. It doesn’t have to be permanent, or mean that something is wrong with you. Sometimes it’s best to just keep trying, and lengthen the time of foreplay. It will benefit the both of you. Sometimes when you come early it is best to just go for a second round, if at first you don’t succeed try, try again. The fear of ED, the fear of it alone, can cause it. Seriously! As Viagra proved, sometimes it is a physical thing. ED is caused by many things and can be an indicator of more serious issues, thus consistent ED should be talked about with your doctor.
Wake up guys, we are not immune to “girly” things like body issues, and feelings. We beat ourselves up too; we are just as capable of emotion. Not dealing with body issues or other forms of depression, can cause ED.
Okay. Let’s pretend like once in every great while, us guys are a one minute wonder, or get a case of droopy dong. So now what? How do we react? I bet more than a few of us have heard/said “sorry babe” and then that’s the end of the night. Maybe some snuggling, or even some light making fun of ourselves, and crying. Well should it be the end of the night? No way! Your fingers aren’t broke, your tongue is still working, and if don’t feel like using either of those two things: There is a sex toy for that: www.sextoypalace.com. Focus more on pleasing your woman, and who knows? Maybe your ‘little soldier’ will feel like marching into battle! And if he doesn’t? Force him to with toys, pumps, pills, or enough sexual innuendo to make Jenna Jameson blush! Whatever you do, don’t give up!