What’s in My Ass?
So the number one obvious answer is poop, because… well… everybody poops. Men, women, man-whores, she-males, he-shes, big burly bear power tops, and dainty little Asian women. All of them and more, because everybody poops. But to really answer the question: What’s in my ass? We have to consider a few things: did I put anything in my ass? Did anyone else put anything in my ass? Is there a magic butt-virginity troll living in my ass guarding it from any foreign object that might find its way up there? What was up there to begin with?
If my wife had her way she would put something in my ass. She often jokes about forcing herself onto/into me with a with a big black strap-on dildo. To this I reply: “What would your black friends say about the dildo being black?” Then she’ll say something like “Oh the dildo doesn’t have to be black, it could be hot pink or purple.” I once told her that the dildo should be green as I’m an Irishman. But anyway I digress, back to the topic. What could possibly be in me bum-bum?
Well let’s just go right out and say it: a prostate. This bad boy is important for a few reasons but the only one we ever hear about involves a medical procedure to check for cancer. The prostate makes some of the fluid that compiles the cum-drum cocktail called ejaculate. All organs have a function and this one helps make baby gravy. The prostate has a second function and that is: sexual pleasure machine. So how depressing is it that the only thing we hear about the prostrate is prostate cancer is bad. Well no shit prostate cancer is bad, because skin cancer any other type of cancer, even testicular cancer is bad.
I think one of the biggest reason guys are afraid of exploring the prostate for pleasure is fear itself. Two big cancers are all over everywhere. Frankly awareness is nice, but dammit fear-mongering is annoying. Women! Be afraid of boobs! Hate your boobs! But show us your boobs, and lets us touch your boobs, because your boobs are just objects that get cancer. Well the fear-mongering for prostate cancer is not even this complex. It is simply: Inside your ass there is something you know nothing about that is just dying to turn you gay or kill you dead.
Because from a very young age society has been teaching me, as a male, to hate two things with as much intensity as I can muster: my ass-hole and weakness.
Why do you think that so many heterosexual men are afraid of gay guys or even hate gay guys, but then turn around and say something akin to “But lesbians are okay.” ??? These heterosexuals (as their closeted self-hating selves call themselves), feel this way for two reasons. Reason one – because the female form is freaking fantastic and two or more of these freaking fantastic female forms fondling, well that is just the bee’s knees to anyone who is even the least bit a heterosexual male. The only lesson from this is “Oh yeah, that’s nice. That’s very nice. Now smell her a little.”
Oh and wake-up call, we are all a cocktail of sexuality. Really guys? Do you honestly think you could lovingly stroke your johnson so many times for your entire masturbatory history without lusting for your own man body a little? And correct me if I am wrong but isn’t lusting for a man’s body gay? Remember: it is okay to be confused, especially when it comes to sex stuff.
Let’s bring it back to what is obviously in your ass: poop. Poop is dirty, particularly human poop, other people’s poop- holy crap gross, but our own poop: that is really gross too, right? Well I will let people have their opinions on this matter, but let’s look at some facts. Poop has bacteria and viruses in it therefore there are some legit safety concerns with poop. Other people’s poop has other people’s germs. If you don’t want these germs then proceed with caution. With any kind of sex involving strangers: USE A CONDOM.
I personally do not ever use a condom when having sex with my wife; we deeply love and trust each other. We practice natural family planning to avoid having children. I will write about NFP in the future. I think of my wife as unnaturally clean, her body is clean no matter what.
However. I never go ass to pussy. The reason for this is you can give her an infection. It is best sometimes to think of the pussy as a rainforest: beautiful and mysterious, but with a fragile ecosystem. I would not doubt that this can be done as long as it is cleaned up properly, but I imagine it would be extremely difficult to do.
Because I’m not afraid of her ass and putting things in her ass, earlier today 10/25/2010, I issued myself a challenge: find out what massaging the prostate in my ass is all about. So I looked it up: I read medical papers, I read blogs, I followed forums and in the end, I was persuaded to try it. I’d tickled my ass-hole before, and been unimpressed; I had stuck a finger up there before and been unimpressed. I honestly wasn’t expecting to be impressed.
I didn’t really want to be impressed, because I told myself that if I was impressed then I would have to let my wife massage my prostate as well. For some reason the thought of my wife massaging my prostate scared me, and still does a little.
But wow do I look forward to overcoming that fear. Because if doing that by myself turned out to be that good I can only imagine how great it would be to have her massage my prostate as she goes down on me. I am already not afraid of having a P-spot massaging butt-plug in while we do it. I can’t wait to feel that.
I used a lot of lube and took a hot shower before to relax and after to clean-up. I’ve had orgasms that blow this one out of the water, but only when having sex with my wife. I have never had an orgasm that even comes close to that from regular masturbating. I rarely masturbate as it is, because, well, why eat a hamburger when a steak is available?: I would much prefer having sex over masturbation. And frankly if you don’t prefer sex over masturbation, then in my book you are doing sex wrong.
There are two ways to get at the prostate: the first does not involve any anal insertion and the second does.
Method one: Massage behind the balls, between the balls and the anus. You will have to experiment to figure out exactly where to press as we are all built a little different. I have had some real success with this method, but I find that I have to press really hard to experience any benefit because there is a lot of flesh between the prostate and where I am pressing.
Method two: reach towards the penis inside the rectum. It varies how deep, but it’s not very far (1-4 inches in). You are going to have to stick something in there to find it (make sure it is something sterile) I found mine started around 2-2.5 inches deep. I was able to get at mine with my middle finger. -Use lube. The prostate is about the size of a large nut and when you find it you can feel it. I encourage you to not just stop at finding it. Massage it for a few minutes. Stroke your penis at the same time if you want. Different strokes for different folks, but damm method two was better for me.
In conclusion: as of today, I no longer hate my ass-hole. I feel liberated.
Three cheers for massaging the prostate.